Kids and conflict!  Gosh those words go together a little too well, don’t they? Well, if you’re a parent like me, of small children, tweens, teens, or young adults you’ve realized at some point that parenting is for life and it’s tough but not impossible.

I was sitting in a doctor’s office(details have been changed to disguise the actual parties involved), and a parent asked me ” What would you do if you were in my situation?”  Here is the short version of what happened.

Her daughter’s cell phone was stolen, and her daughter knew who had taken it but it was speculation as no one saw the other girl take the phone.  Parents were called in, and a parent/principal meeting took place, words were exchanged and then was the waiting game. Not to their surprise the parent of the accused girl did not take responsibility for their daughter’s actions and did not admit fault. The mother whose daughter’s possession was stolen asked me how she should handle the situation, whether she should press charges and force their hand in the situation to demand a better outcome. They were obviously frustrated, and very upset about the whole thing.

Now you and I both know situations like this are bound to come up in one way or another especially when you have children. The big question is what lesson are we trying to teach our kids about these kinds of situations? Here are some goals to keep in mind when going through any difficult challenge with your kids.

1. The goal of a lot of confrontations, challenges, obstacles or difficulties is not to win, or force your hand in the situation to get the outcome you want.  The focus should be on resolving the matter in a healthy, and safe manner so that a life lesson is learned and coping mechanisms are set in place. Also, we want our kids to know that they can come talk to us about anything, be approachable and open to conversation.

2.  Be honest share your feelings about your sadness or anger regarding the issue. Remember, you can never make anyone do anything they don’t want to do, all you can do is be honest, share your feelings and concerns and request a fair outcome. Don’t get caught up in who is right or wrong, you’ll only get disappointed.

3. Be supportive of your children whether they are the accused or the victim. Encourage them to make the right choice by being honest and forthcoming of the details regarding the situation. If your child is the accused and their is evidence that they took the item and just aren’t admitting it, age-appropriate consequences should be in order.

4. Be encouraging and tell them that when difficult life situations happen, it’s how we react to them that determines our peace and healing.

5. Model to them how to cope with the stress and anger of the situation. Pray, workout, take a jog, walk, journal, engage in any activity that can allow them to express themselves in a healthy way.

6. Results that involve winning is not the point. Share with them that although the accuser has made a bad choice that affected them adversely, there could be reasons that you are unaware that could be causing this person to react in an unsafe manner. Teach empathy, and understanding. Maybe you are aware of some difficulties that other child may be going through, and ask your child what it would be like if they were in their shoes.

7. Forgiveness heals. Model forgiveness towards the accused, so that your children will see Christ’s love through you. It will be a tool they will need for the rest of their life.  Mention that forgiveness doesn’t let them off the hook, or mean the the opposing side wins, it just means that you release them into God’s hands for His healing and forgiveness, and frees them(victim)  to no longer harbor ill-feelings and have an opportunity to  be healed themselves.

8. Reaction is more important then results. Love your children unconditionally, allow them to share their feelings, talk about how to handle the situation in a healthy way, teach coping skills, and finally show forgiveness and seek healing. It’s how we deal with difficult situations that teach us how to cope and let go, so that when the next challenge comes along we have a healthy way of reacting.

9.  Prayer: Lastly, but certainly not the least important, it’s the most important. Pray through every challenge you encounter in this world with your children. No one knows better how to deal with adversity then the Lord Jesus Himself, He can heal, restore, and discipline us into a healthy direction every time. Pray over your children and the situation they are going through, show them who you depend on when you don’t know what to do.

*Parents, an important note. When you go through something in your own life and it affects the family as a whole, it is very important that you model to your children healthy ways of coping as mentioned above, because they learn a lot more from watching you react to your problems then they do just hearing it come as discipline, both seeing and hearing work together to foster a healthy family life! Also, one of the most hardest things about loving discipline is that sometimes our anger or hurt gets in the way of addressing these issues.  We have to begin to deal with our own anger in regards to the situation, calm down, take some time if we need to  and then address the issue with our child.

If you have any questions, stories or comments about parenting in this area, feel free to post them! Parenting is a journey, and we are bound to make mistakes  sometimes.  But it’s from those mistakes that God teaches us the most, so stay close to Jesus He’ll show you the way! Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter,  “coachnanc,” for daily encouraging messages…well almost daily!

Related posts:

1. He Can Turn It Around!
2. Differences Between Christian Life Coaching and Counseling

In Exodus 3:7 God is speaking to Moses and expressing His grief because of the suffering of the Israelites. My NIV version explains that He sees the misery, hears them crying, and is concerned for their suffering.  And in v.8 expresses His desire to rescue them and bring them UP and Out of that pain, and into freedom.  God’s resume reveals consistency, responsibility, and accountability of being a Just and Loving God, never failing us, always empowering us to  rise above and beyond life’s temporary troubles.  Why? Because He loves us!  Exodus 3:14-15 tells us His character is unchanging through the generations, He is the great, “I AM.”

Today, know that He sees you, hears you, and is concerned about you and your situation. Friend, listen to me. God’s character is merciful, and graceful. If He cared about the Israelites, why wouldn’t He care about you? By faith you are children of the Most High God, heirs to the throne of Grace, Jesus. He sent His son Jesus, to pay for our mistakes and now their is no condemnation. Only grace to return to Him, and live through Him. Where Jesus is so are you!

Praying that you receive all He sacrificed on the cross to give you,eternal life, wholeness, and health. In Jesus Name, Amen!

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(Eagle Photo by Alaskan Dude, CC Flick r)

Isaiah 41:31

“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.   They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. “

I was in the car this morning, praising God, just being in continual fellowship with Him. It was about 8am, and I was on my way to work out, when this song by Chris Tomlin came on the radio, “I Will Rise.”  Have you ever listened to a song, and every part of your being was screaming in agreement about what the song was saying? I cranked up the radio and sang so lound, “I will rise,” surely the cars next to me were puzzled.   I will rise through all life’s difficulties, I will rise even when others push me down, I will rise when I feel like I have no voice, I will rise because my God believes in me! I will Rise, because He calls me!

It doesn’t matter what your difficult circumstances are, you are not defined by your situation, your career does not define you! Your role as a caregiver, mother, father, brother, sister, daughter does not define you. Your trauma does not define you! You were created in His image for His Glory and your good! You hear that? Your Good! So rise above the waves and the storm, soar on eagles wings.  You can rise, rise above it all, by hoping in Him! Amen

Prayer: Father, my hope is in you, cause me to rise and stand when I don’t feel like it or don’t want to. My faith is in you, it will be the bridge that brings me closer to victory! Thank you Father! Amen

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Wow, 2009 is coming to an end very soon. It’s 2:25 pm New Year’s Eve.  As I sit and ponder about what the last year has been, I fight thoughts of not good enough, didn’t do anything great, just a year of defeat! Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever try to fight back all those self-defeating thoughts when you desperately search for something amazing that happened in your last year, maybe a victory over something that has hounded you forever?

The media is overwhelming me with articles and broadcasts about the New Year and what it will hold for all of us. I made a resolution last year, that I had never made before. I wanted a goal that I knew I couldn’t fail at.  I was watching TV and someone was asking the other person what their resolution for 09 was. They said, they wanted to have a closer relationship with God.  And I said, that’s it! That’s my resolution, I want to go deeper with Jesus Christ in 2009! Maybe you’re wondering if I did.  The answer is overwhelmingly yes! God in His infinite mercy, yet gave me a grace, super abounding grace when I didn’t deserve it, forgiveness when I wasn’t seeking it, and love when I didn’t show it! And of course continuous deliverance from everything that tries to dominate my walk with the Lord!

And so, my resolution for the coming year is to yet again go even deeper into His never ending Love, and abide there. My prayer for you is to also maybe begin a relationship with the Lord Jesus, or grow in your walk with Him. It’s a journey with lots of twists and turns,  with everyone’s fair share of challenges for sure. But His promises remain true, and continue to have it’s weight worth in Gold. He loves us, and intercedes on our behalf every day. His desire is to see us be fruitful, and to love one another.

As 2009 ends and the new year begins, don’t leave it with regrets, be faithful, and grateful that He has brought you through another year victoriously! The great “I AM,” still is, and will continue to be forever in your hearts for eternity.  Look back with thanks, love Him in the present, and expect Him in the future for whatever life brings!

“No, in all these things we are more then conquerors through Him who loved us.” For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, niether the present nor the future, nor any powers, niether height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate  us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord.”  Romans 8:37-39

Paul is so confident about God’s love for all of us.  My prayer for you is that you will become more and more confident of God’s love for you, and in turn be victorious in all your battles, for you are more then conquerors! His love can change you, you just have to let Him.   Remember, having victory over a situation is learning the lesson God wants for your life, it’s enduring and persevering in Christ that exalts you! Happy New Year, may His love overflow in your life every day in the coming year!

In Christ’s love!

Question: What resolutions do you have for 2010? What are you seeking God for this new year?

Related posts:

1. He Can Turn It Around!

http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2009/12/not-same.html

I loved this blog and wanted to share it with you! Good morning sister’s in Christ!  I hope you are all pressing in and through daily with Jesus on your side. I know there must be something difficult either you or a loved one may be going through, and wanted to share with you this encouraging blog.  It’s time to get back into His presence so He can turn your situation around for your good and His glory.  Remember, each difficulty we go through is an opportunity for God to show up and lead us through.  Notice I did not say avoid.  And isn’t that the first thing we want to do?

So many times we push it around in our heart to places we think no one else will see, especially us? And then, a situation arises that appears to be unrelated to our hidden issues, but wait…it has everything to do with our hidden issue. And somehow, in such a Godly manner there is conviction in our hearts to react in prayer and ask God for healing and restoration, maybe even forgiveness?  And you know what? He gives it willingly, and freely every time.

Something to pray about: In your quiet time with our heavenly father, ask Him what He has been wanting you to address with Him, and ask Him for direction, and wisdom regarding the issue while surrendering to Him.

Your thoughts: How has God showed you that an issue in your life needed attention and healing? Tell us how He showed you, and the process of healing you went through?

Related posts:

1. Christian Conflict Resolution For Parents
2. A Conqueror In The New Year 2010!

It had been a few months that we moved from California’s bay area to Dallas Texas, orginally my home. And the Holy Spirit began to stir in me that it was time to begin looking for a church home. Slowly but surely we began church shopping.  By God’s grace, direction, and encouragement, we found a church we could call home.  One of the first spotlights God placed in that church was on the people who were praising God during the worship service.

I came from an Orthodox denomination, where we didn’t put our arms up passed our waist much less passed our chin and up in the air. It was so foreign to me. Right before we came to Dallas,  we had begun searching for a bible based church, and I had seen people worship God with their arms in the air, but I never did. What I did begin to experience was my heart melting during the worship service, and I would sob puddles of tears.

After my family and I began attending our new home church, and God began to convict my heart of unfinished business with Him, I began growing and hungry for what God was trying to give me all these years…freedom, wholeness, forgiveness and grace. But it all began with me going through the motions first after I had made a decision to seek God first.

I observed people during worship, and I would think to myself, why do they appear as if God Himself were speaking to them, and there was something they were receiving that I wasn’t?  I honestly couldn’t understand it all. I kept saying to myself, I can worship the way I want, I don’t have to put my arms up. God knows me and the way I worship is unique to me.  And I said that for about a year and a half.

As the years progressed, and I began to get a deeper revelation of God’s promises and love towards me, my heart became receptive to who my heavenly father really was. Attending bible based group studies, and immersing myself with the lead of the Holy Spirit in everything God, I began to raise my hands up in the air without embarrassment. But only half way…you see it felt uncomfortable and not natural. I have never raised my arms up to the Lord, ever!  Sadly, I have never felt worthy too.  Have you ever felt like that? Condemnation prevented me from approaching God.  To be frank with you, the enemy liked me that way and I accepted it. Because you know what? I felt like I deserved it, I punished myself!

Then, it happened, God touched my life in a big way, and this time I received His gifts of forgiveness, healing and wholeness by Jesus and His finished work at the cross and by faith took the gifts! That very next Sunday at church in worship service without so much as to even thinking about it, I raised my hands high up in the air and as natural as it could be and praised My Sweet God! Amen Hallelelujah,  Worship Sets an Atmosphere of Victory! Barriers broken, faulty thinking, shame, and condemnation gone, I was set free! I have never worshiped the same since that day!

Family, listen to me! When you worship God by yourself, or in your church, getting a deeper revelation of who Christ is in your life will push your arms up to praise Him for who He is in your life, it sets the temperature for everything Holy, and Pure! Amen. Today, in your worship time, don’t push your hands up because I’m telling you to. Go in deeper by hearing His word through the bible(I love the NIV, Life Application Study Bible), pastors, Christian books, listening to worship music, praying, and just talking to Him, surround yourself with everything God, you’ll never be the same! Your arms will lift without you even thinking about it, that’s true worship.

Lord, today, I pray that every chain of bondage be broken off your children, that their arms will rise to praise you through good times and bad, because when we worship you, our life becomes a place of Victory!  Thank you Jesus!

Today, I challenge you to go deeper in your walk with God, worship Him daily in your comings and goings. If you feel overwhelmed, put on your favorite worship music and cast all your cares to Him, He will refresh, and restore you! I have placed a you tube video at the beginning of this article, take a moment and worship with Hillsong from Australia! God bless you!

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Sisters, you ever wake up and wonder why you exist? Or what purpose you have in this life? Or how about when a life storm comes your way, and then the constant nagging of even your value or worth to make it through is questionable? How about where you belong? You wake up in the morning, and you don’t quite feel up to running a marathon, but that is exactly what awaits you as soon as your foot hits the floor. You walk by people at work, or at the gym, maybe church, and people see through you like you are invisible? You ask yourself, do I matter?

Am I worthy or good at anything that matters?

Perhaps, your spouse, and your children think you are an automatic dispenser that gives every time there is a need, and available 24 hours a day? Come on Moms you know what I’m talking about! By the time your head hits the pillow you ask yourself what have I done that really matters? That’s significant!  Well, that’s a loaded question.  Somewhere in your world you have put up a list of expectations some realistic and some not so realistic.  And every time you compare yourself to your list, somehow you don’t match up, and we speak defeat over ourselves. The truth is, it all matters! God gives you the grace to do all things, but you must rest in Him and spend time in His word to refresh and restore you to keep going!

Here’s a question.  Who is the founder of your list of impossible, irrational, and unrealistic standards? Sadly, it’s us that wrote them, but they stem from dysfunctional experiences we’ve had through life. And I’m pretty sure the enemy is not too far behind, whispering words of defeat. Again, do I matter and if I do, to who?

Beloved, You matter to God! He loves you with an everlasting love that overflows in abundance! As believers we have lists that don’t measure up, because they don’t start with God. God has already made a list for you, did you know that? It’s a list where you do matter every time you look at it! That list is Jesus! The perfect sacrifice made for you and me, so that we can matter! Let me share with you today’s daily devotional I got from Charles Stanley that inspired me to write this blog today!

Pastor Stanley said, we have an emotional makeup that has three basic needs.  These needs can be fulfilled through a personal relationship with God! Here is the “list.” Belonging Romans 8:16, Worthiness-Romans 5:8, Competency-Ephesians3:20. 1. Christ’s work on the cross puts you in the  seat right next to Him as His daughter or son! You matter to God, you are accepted! 2. You are worthy, or Jesus wouldn’t have died to pay for your life’s mistakes! You matter to God! 3. As a believer you have the Holy Spirit dwelling in you to live life right, to help you use wisdom that God gives you to praise Him and bless you. You matter to God!

So today, throw your old list away! And look at the receipt Jesus now shows you! The price for your shortcomings, difficulties, and overwhelming circumstances no longer have a hold on you, they have no power, they are empty. Now you have authority over your situations, they will not consume you, you are who God says you are! Blessed. You Matter to God! Now go and live life beginning with You matter to God! Amen

Prayer: Lord Jesus, today I begin again by your grace! I throw away my list of can’t do, and begin again with , ” I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Not I, but Christ in me gives me significance in this world. I choose to turn way from faulty thinking and believing. I am who you say I am, BLESSED! Thank you for paying the price for me to show me that I Matter to YOU! And if I matter to you, then that’s all that really matters! Amen

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Whenever I go somewhere and tell people what I do for a living, it doesn’t take them very long before they ask me “the” question, “What is the difference between Christian Coaching and Counseling?” You will get all kinds of answers depending on the background, education, and experience of the person. In general though the answer should resemble the following if they have a Psychology or Counseling background.

Counseling or also known as psychotherapy is the treatment in which a trained professional- a therapist-uses psychological techniques to help someone overcome psychological difficulties and disorders, resolve problems in living, or bring about personal growth. This definition was taken from a 2009 Spring semester college Textbook called Essentials of Understanding Psychology, 8th edition from which I taught. While completing their studies, future therapists will choose an approach or theory from which they will filter the information that the client will bring to the session. Some examples of the theories are Psychodynamic, Behavioral, Cognitive, Humanistic, Family Systems approach and finally an Eclectic approach which combines techniques from other approaches. Also, in counseling there is a diagnosis of the problem by the therapist so a treatment plan can be established.

The person providing therapy must take a state licensing exam to provide therapy, and have a Master’s Degree or higher concentrating in this area. Now if the person is a Christian Psychologist/therapist, their background, education, and experience will differ if they attended a Christian University. However, some professionals find a relationship with Jesus after they have completed their education, and then provide the counseling with a Christian perspective based on their walk with the Lord. Not to confuse you further, but their are counselors who call themselves coaches as well, and so I don’t complicate matters worse I’ll leave it at that.

Now there are many different types of Life Coaches, but I am going to discuss in particular Christian Life Coaching. My approach to life coaching is Jesus Christ centered. This means that the way I approach my client’s challenges in everyday life is based on biblical truths. One of the main truths is this. Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay for our sins, and the free gifts of His death and resurrection give us grace, hope, and a new life as a saved, healed, free, and whole person who has every opportunity to live victoriously by God’s word in every challenge and obstacle by FAITH free of condemnation.

As your life coach, when you enter into a coaching relationship, that is the foundation from which I will provide life skills that relate to unforgiveness, communication, anger management, relationships, disease, death, coping skills, career exploration, work/family balance, and spiritual guidance. This coaching program is specifically designed to empower you to live your day to day life in victory through your faith in Jesus Christ. There are certifications for life coaching, however it is not standardized, meaning there are countless coaching organizations that will certify you to become a life coach which is good if you have no education or experience in coaching. But, if you have a degree in the mental health field, Master’s preferably with solid work experience, then that criteria alone gives a life coach credibility.

When you pick a life coach or counselor, it is very important that you ask questions about their professional and educational background, views, theoretical perspective from which they provide their services to see if it matches with your life view. I have worked with mental health professionals that were not Christian, and have seen people benefit from their services, because I do believe that God works through everyone.However, as a believer if you suffer from depression or have been diagnosed with some type of disorder, I suggest that you seek services from a Christian Psychologist or therapist so you can obtain appropriate treatment with the spiritual component. In fact, if I determine at any time, that you could benefit from another professional, I will certainly refer you out. A professional coach knows his/her limitations, and what is in the best interest of the client.

I hope this has cleared up any questions you may have between Coaching and Counseling.
Be blessed and remember God loves you, and healing is always available you just have to believe Him for it. God bless you!

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What are you believing about yourself that may be keeping you from God’s abundant grace? You’re so stupid, you’ll never amount to anything. Or, you never do anything right. How about, “What is wrong with you?” You don’t have what it takes. Everyone can do it, why can’t you? Oh, the list goes on and on, enough already right? The truth is, we say more negative things about ourselves without anyone really helping us. In other words we repeat and dwell on these lies constantly without ever taking it first to the Lord. Sure some of those words may have been even spoken to us by family members, but we are the ones who continue to accept those lies, are we not?

We are not the first to accept lies and turn them into truths. Remember, Eve in the garden when the enemy approaches her with his lies? Oh and lets not forget doubts. Doubting God’s goodness towards us gets us into trouble too. In fact Eve’s fall from God began with doubt, and unbelief. After the enemy causes doubt to enter into your mind, he then moves to confusion. The enemy tries to convince Eve that she heard wrong and misunderstood. She believed what was said to her.

She didn’t say wait a minute, who are you? What you just said removes authority from God, and God would never lie would He? She believed that God was holding out on her, even though it was a lie. She replayed what the enemy said to her without even a hesitation and decided she knew what was best, her truth. All the while, that truth would cause her great pain for the rest of her life and for many others to follow. There were warning signs, but her eyes went to herself instead of to God. It’s quite possible that when the enemy told her she would be like God(Genesis 3:5), she was believing the lie that she wasn’t enough, that somehow God forgot something when He made her. Sad isn’t it?

The truth is friends that we believe lies like that for years, until we come to the end of ourselves and find we need God to save us form ourselves. Lies can keep you under the enemy’s stronghold for as long as you let him. Stop giving authority to the enemy and give it back to God. Choose to believe what God says about you! When you start saying things like, I can’t do it, I don’t have what it takes, you need to question where all of that is coming from. You have to listen to your counselor, God, and let Him help you reject those self-defeating statements. Remember, deliverance from self-defeating thoughts is always available with Jesus, just seek Him out for it!

If you don’t know who you are, then you won’t know where you came from or where you are going. God’s word says you are, justified(not guilty of sin), free, sanctified, acceptable, righteous, Holy in Jesus, new creation, blessed with every spiritual blessing, blameless, covered with God’s love, adopted as God’s children, forgiven, belonging to God, God’s work of art, near to God, sharing in the promise of Christ, and chosen! Amen! Replace every self-defeating lie you have with the life giving words above, and DWELL on those things, for you are an overcomer! Believe that!

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Today is the third day of school, and my daughter has been having a hard time transitioning into Kindergarten.  She has been crying, and saying how she just wants to go home and never come back to school again. Well, anything new is always a challenge, but more so for children.  I am doing everything I can to encourage her and press through with her to overcome this anxiety with the Lord walking with us every step of the way.

As we walked towards the school today, I just kept dwelling on her crying and sadness and all of the sudden heard the crossing guard yell, ” Mom, get on the crosswalk!” The crossing guard was talking to us, because I was not paying attention to my surroundings or even the obvious, I was busy worrying about my daughter, literally!  Needless to say, I was embarrassed!  Then I obsessed about that all the way into school to walk my daughter to class.

It was 7:30 am, bell doesn’t ring until 7:50am. The whole time, my little girl is sobbing uncontrollably and I also had my 2 year old in the other hand. We walked right into school, and I hollowly smiled at the attendant who was standing in the middle of the hallway, and went right past her. She called out to me, “Ma’am, the bell rings at 7:50, you’ll have to wait.” I was embarrassed again! Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks, I am so caught up in my daughter’s crying episode that I completely blocked out every sign, direction, or common sense available to me. I wasn’t paying attention!

That’s when the Lord spoke so clearly to me, how many times have we been so consumed by our worries, situation or difficulties that we can’t hear God stearing us through it!  Proverbs 3:6 says, ” In all your ways know,recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” (Amplified Bible)

Friends, whatever you are going through, it is not beyond the hand of our heavenly Father! His eyes are always on you.  There are times when we feel like we are completely overtaken by our situations, but remember in all of it, know, recognize and acknowledge God’s authority over it! You will not be consumed by it, God will lead you through! Amen!

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